Feelings I Don't Want To Feel
by charn14
Summary: Mara notices something strange is going on with Jerome. Will she ever find out what it is without her feelings for him growing? Rated T for language and other things.
1. It's a Date

Mara walked down the long corridor, being shoved by passing students. _Honestly, does anyone at this school have some common courtesy, _she asked herself.

Mara finally made it to her locker, with much struggle as it had practically been a stampede in the hallway. As she replaced the books, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up to see shining blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. She smiled.

"Hi, Jerome, fancy seeing you here." She said. Jerome gave her a confused look.

"Um, not really; I was only going to ask you to move so I could get to my locker."

"Oh, right…" Mara replied, hanging her head. She felt like a total moron.

Mara collected the rest of her stuff and slammed her locker closed. She began to walk away when a hand clasped around her wrist and pulled her back. Mara turned around to see a smiling Jerome.

"Hey, do you mind if you could help me with the chemistry assignment Sweetie gave us for homework?" Mara looked at him quizzically.

"Why?" She asked, drawing out the y.

"Because I fell asleep in class." Jerome admitted with pride. Mara covered her mouth in effort to muffle her laugh. "What? A guy like me needs his beauty sleep."

Mara removed her hand from her mouth and gave him a small smile. "I guess I could help you."

"Great! Be in my room around seven, yeah?" He asked, still smiling.

"Sure, it's a date." Suddenly, Jerome's smile faltered. He noticed he still was holding onto her wrist and jerked his hand away.

"Um, yeah, see you later." Jerome pushed passed her and down the hall. Mara was slightly confused, as his locker was still open and contained his books for the next lessons. Being the nice person that she is, Mara closed his locker so nothing could be stolen, personal or otherwise.

Mara turned her head to see Jerome rounding the corner. _What's wrong with him? _She thought. And with that, she left for class.

**Like it? Hate it? Trust me; there is a point to this. You'll see…**


	2. He's Afraid of Me

**(A/N): I forgot to mention one little detail: Mara and Mick are still dating. Anyway, read on.**

Mara shrugged off her shoulder bag and flopped down on the couch, closing her eyes in relief. Today had been long and stressful for her. Being school rep and all, she had to stay at the school for several more hours than the rest of the student body. Right now, she just wanted to relax, to sleep, to forget all her-

"Mara, Jerome's in our bedroom waiting for you. He says you're late for something…?" Alfie said as he entered the common room. Mara groaned and rolled over off the couch, landing face-first on the ground with a thud.

"Ow." She mumbled into the dusty old rug before she heaved herself up. "Tell him I'll be there in a moment…" Mara said, trying to rub the exhaustion from her eyes. She heard Alfie's footsteps become fainter and fainter until she heard a door open and shut.

Mara reached for her bag and took out the chemistry assignment and her text book. She wasn't going to give him the answers; she was just going to use her paper to make sure his answers were right.

She trudged her way to Jerome's room, slightly dreading what would happen. You never know when Jerome and Alfie are going to play a prank on you, so you always have to be on guard.

Knowing quite well what may lie beyond the door, Mara opened it cautiously. To her relief, honey did not fall on her nor was she pelted by water balloons. All that was in the room was Jerome and Alfie, both of them reading. Except, Jerome was reading something by James Patterson and Alfie was reading a comic book. Figures.

"Ah, Mara, you're here." Jerome said, closing his book. "Let's get started, shall we? Alfie, leave the room."

"You don't have to be so rude about it." Alfie said as he got up. Before he left the room, he shot Jerome a "You're getting lucky tonight" look at him when Mara had her head turned. It took all of Jerome's strength not to throw his book at Alfie's head, but he did shoot him a death glare in return.

Mara flopped down next to Jerome on his bed and opened the text book. "OK, so we were talking about Transition and Post-Transition metals in chemistry today. All you have to do is list them all; name and lettering."

"That's all? Really? That's sort of anticlimactic…" Jerome said, looking down at the text book.

"If it's so easy then, how about you tell me all of them to me?" Mara challenged.

"Ok then." Jerome went for the text book, but Mara jerked it out of his reach.

"Ah-ah-ah," Mara said, scolding him as if he was a little boy. "You have to tell them to me. By memory."

Jerome looked at her, dumbfounded. "B-but I fell asleep in class! There's only a handful that I remember!"

"Then it sucks to be you, because you're not leaving this room until you recite all of them."

Jerome glared at her for a second before closing his eyes. "Ok, let's see… The transition metals I remember are…um…Iron…Cobalt…Nickel…Zinc…Silver and Gold…and Copper..." Jerome opened his eyes and saw Mara nodding in approval. "Oh, and Mercury."

"Good, good… Now what are the letterings?"

"Gah! Iron is Fe, Cobalt is Co, Nickel is Ni, Copper is Cu, Zinc is Zn, Gold is Au, Silver is Ag and Mercury is Hg." He rushed out.

"And what about the post-transition metals?"

"Mara, you're killing me here."

"The sooner you answer me the sooner I'll let you look at the text book." She said in a sing-song way.

"Bloody hell…" Jerome mumbled under his breath. "Lead, tin and aluminum are the only ones I know."

"Lettering?"

"I don't know."

"Jerome, we're not leaving this room until you answer the question."

"I don't know, ok? Now if you would just hand over the text book-"

"No!" Mara said. "I'm testing your mind to see what you can remember."

"Stop being so difficult and give me the bloody text book!" Jerome lunged for the book, but Mara hid it behind her back and laid down on it. Jerome struggled to release the book out from under her, but she never gave up.

After several minutes of what seemed to be wrestling, Jerome gave up. "You're evil, you know that?"

"I'm not evil; I'm just a great tutor." Mara said smugly. Suddenly, Mara started noticing little things; how Jerome was on top of her, his hands on either side of her head, propping the boy up. How their faces were only inches apart and how there was a small smile across Jerome's face.

Jerome noticed this too. His smile was gone instantly. "I'm sorry." He whispered as he staggered off her. "Listen, I think you should go now." Jerome said, pulling Mara off his bed and out the door. "Sleep well." He mumbled before he slammed the door in her face, avoiding her gaze the entire time.

"Wait, Jerome, my homework! Don't you dare copy off it!" Mara fumed, banging on the boy's door. Mara grunted in frustration and banged the door one last time before she stormed off. _I can always get it from him in the morning…_

Mara stormed into the kitchen, where she ran into Mick.

"Mara, are you ok? Where were you?" Mick asked when he saw his girlfriend's face full of anger.

"I'm fine; I was just helping Jerome with his chemistry homework." Mara answered as she sifted through the cupboards.

"Oh really?" Mick said with a hint of anger in his voice. She caught this.

"Mick, don't worry, nothing happened. You have nothing to be jealous about. If anything, Jerome's _afraid _of me." Mick couldn't help but laugh.

"Jerome afraid of you? That's a good one."

"You may never know." Mara said. She looked through the cupboards one last time and huffed. "Well, since I can't find anything to eat, I might as well go to bed. Night Mick."

"But it's only eight o'clock!"

"Yeah, but I've also had an amazingly long day. I'm astonished I haven't passed out yet."

"Well, good night then." He said as he made his way towards his girlfriend and planted a kiss on her cheek.

Mara slowly made her way to her room, each step making her drowsier. Once she arrived, Mara instantly dove under her blankets and fell asleep, not even bothering to change into night clothes.


	3. Oh My God!

**(A/N): Yes, yes, I know, I haven't updated in forever. There has been a lot going on lately. Just be happy I'm still alive. Anyway, a few updates before we begin the story: 1) I might be starting another story soon. It might be rated M, but I'm still deciding. And 2) I'm going to be deleting some stories. I'm going to post a poll up on my profile for the ones I was thinking of deleting. PM me if you have any questions about the selections. OK? And on with the story!**

A loud repetitive beep met Mara's ears. Her eyes fluttered open as her hand reached out and shut off the alarm clock. She sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep from her eyes when she realized she was wearing her pajamas. She was trying to figure out how this happened when Patricia walked in.

"Um, Patricia, do you know how I got into my pajamas?" Mara asked the redhead.

"You don't remember? I yanked you out of bed and forced you to change." Mara suddenly remembered a very persistent Patricia dragging her out of bed by her arm and shoving nightclothes into her hands to change, although it was very hazy.

"Oh, right. Well, thank you." Mara said, holding her head.

"Whatever." Patricia replied as she grabbed her book bag and left the room.

Mara then lazily pulled herself out of bed and changed into her school uniform. Soon she was brushing the knots out of her hair that had occurred whilst she was sleeping. "Ow, ow, ow…." She said with ever pull of the brush.

After the extreme pain of brushing her hair, she went for her shoulder bag, making sure everything was in it. Everything seemed to be there-

Her chemistry homework. She left her chemistry homework in Jerome's room after he practically threw her out last night. _Crap! _She thought. She closed her eyes and groaned in frustration as she shouldered her bag. She painstakingly made her way downstairs, dropping her shoulder bag off at her chair at the table, and went down to the boy's part of the house.

Mara heard music coming from Jerome's room. It was loud, but not loud enough for someone to complain. Slowly, she strode up to the door, and hesitantly knocked on Jerome's door. Without an answer, Mara knocked again. Still no answer. Mara sighed, and opened the door. "Jerome are you-Oh my god!" Mara's eyes were wide with shock, her hand shooting up to cover her mouth, because in front of her was something she would've never thought she would see.

Right before her eyes was Jerome Clarke; wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts and an unbuttoned dress shirt that hung loosely to his body.

"Mara, what the hell? Get out!" Jerome yelled. Mara didn't retort, and quickly stepped into the hallway, closing the door behind her. She kept one hand on the doorknob and the other across her gaping mouth. Her back was pressed against the door and her cheeks were burning. She was on the verge of collapsing due to the overwhelming emotions building up inside her. She felt embarrassed, shocked, and something else she couldn't quite name. Sad? Some weird form of jealousy?

_Giddy, perhaps? _Her conscience said. _Maybe even in love?_ Mara shook her head. No, it couldn't be that. It _shouldn't _be that. She had a boyfriend to whom she was faithful towards. Besides, seeing _any _boy in that predicament could make a girl feel giddy and flustered. But still…Seeing Jerome like that made her feel something that she didn't always feel with Mick. She felt a sense of longing to run up to Jerome and kiss him on the spot. To run her hands up his toned arms, to hug his body close to hers. The needs of these longings were almost too strong to bear.

Suddenly, she felt her eyes fill up with tears. Like she thought before: She had a boyfriend to whom she was faithful towards. Thinking these sorts of thoughts were horrid. She felt terrible now. She wanted to curl up in a ball and die. She wanted to disappear. She wanted-

There was a sound from the other side of the door. Mara jumped and spun around, wiping her tears from her eyes. Jerome opened the door, fully dressed, except that his sweater was unbuttoned and his tie was undone, along with his belt. She dropped her head to avoid Jerome's gaze."I-I need my chemistry homework…" She mumbled, trying not to sound like she had been crying. "I-I left it in your room last night."

"Just because I don't answer you doesn't give you permission to barge into my room." Jerome said in a low voice. Mara hid her face in her hands, her cheeks becoming hot again.

"Can I please just have my chemistry assignment?" Mara asked, removing her head from her hands and looking up at Jerome. Her voice was shaky. Jerome raised an eyebrow before he went back into his room and grabbed Mara's text book with a sheet of paper sticking out at odd angles.

"Hope you don't mind, but I copied off that." Jerome said, pointing to the paper in the text book. Mara shot him a glare. "I didn't copy every answer word for word. I don't want to be caught. I mean, you're previous attempt to cheat failed horrible, didn't it?" That stung. Mara still felt extreme guilt whenever she thought about the French test she cheated on for Mick.

"Thank you." She said in a small voice before turning on her heal and making her way towards breakfast. Sitting down at the table, Mara silently stuffed her text book into her book bag. Then, she just sat there. She just sat there, staring absentmindedly at her breakfast. The scene kept running through her head. God, the emotions Mara had felt, the ones she was still feeling! Mara once again put her head in her hands and groaned.

"_Alfie Lewis, give me back my hair straightener!" _Mara's head shot up to see Alfie running into the kitchen with something in his hand, followed closely by Amber.

"You'll have to take it from me!" Alfie replied. He dodged a kick from Amber and disappeared through to the boys' hallway, but the sudden silence of Alfie's laughter indicated he had been stopped.

"Boy, what do you think you're doing?" Victor's deep voice reverberated through the house.

"I-I-" Alfie stammered. Mara spotted Amber disappear into the boys' hallway.

"He stole my straightened." Mara heard Amber say without hesitation.

"Give her back…whatever that thing is, and return to breakfast immediately. " There was a pause. "And you will be having toilet duty for the rest of the week.

"Fine…" Soon after the words left Alfie's mouth, Mara saw Amber for a millisecond as she skipped past the doorframe, Victor following a few seconds later

"Brilliant mate…" Mara froze. She watched as Alfie came into the room, followed closely by Jerome. She immediately looked down and started to play with her food.

"I swear, Victor hates me." Alfie replied. Mara heard and felt a person sit next to her. _Please be Alfie. Please be Alfie…_ But she already knew it was Jerome. He always sat next to her during meals.

"Didn't your parents tell you not to play with your food, Mara?" Jerome said. Mara barely looked to her right to see Jerome looking at her with a raised brow. She looked back at her food.

"Not hungry." She mumbled, still pushing her food around on her plate. _Let me die!_

"Not very proper, but whatever." Jerome said. "Hey guys, guess what?" He said to the rest of their housemates. Mara looked up at him quizzically, as did the rest of the students.

"We have a new pervert in the house." Mara paled.

"What do you mean, slimeball?" Patricia sneered.

"I mean Mara." Oh, God, no.

Everyone looked at Mara. She herself felt like their eyes were burning holes into her skin. She wanted to disappear _again,_ and it was only 8:30 in the morning.

"Yeah, so get this-"

"Jerome, stop." Mara said in a small voice.

"-This morning, Mara came in on me while I was still getting dressed-"

"Jerome, stop!" Mara said a little more forcefully.

"-And she just stared at my half-naked bo-"

_Smack!_

Mara was standing up, hand still raised, the sound of flesh on flesh still ringing in her ears. Jerome was holding his cheek.

"You have no right to embarrass me like that." Mara hissed, tears stinging her eyes once again. She looked around the table, six pairs of wide eyes staring at her, before she grabbed her things and shot out the door.

Once she was outside and far enough away so she could barely see the house, she began to cry. Never in her life had she been so humiliated! And over a complete accident! She knew Jerome was cruel, but how could he have been so heartless!

"Mara! Mara, wait!" She heard someone call behind her. She turned to see Jerome running after her.

"Leave me alone, Jerome." Mara yelled back, her voice cracking. She turned back around, wiping a tear away when Jerome could no longer see her face. _Heartless bastard…_

"No, seriously, Mara, stop." Jerome was right behind her now. Mara continued to walk, but Jerome grabbed her wrist, stopping her in her tracks.

"I said leave me alone, Jerome." Mara said, her voice cracking still. _Don't cry in front of Jerome…_

"But-"

"Leave me alone!" She wrenched her arm free of his grasp and began to walk in the other direction.

"Mara, if you would just listen-"

"Hey, Clarke!" Both of them turned around to see Mick walking towards them.

"That was a stupid-ass stunt you pulled back at the house." He said once he reached them. "And now you have the nerve to hurt Mara even more? Why don't you just leave her alone, alright?" Mick reached out and grabbed Mara's hand, rubbing his thumb over it has he did so. "C'mon, babes." He said, pulling Mara in the other direction.

"Thank you, Mick." Mara said once they were out of earshot of Jerome. "What you did was really nice…" She leaned into him and kissed his cheek.

Once they rounded a corner, Mick stopped walking.

"Mara…" He began. "Was…Was what Jerome said at breakfast true?" He eyed her pleadingly.

"I…Yes and no…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well…" Mara took a deep breath. "Last night I was helping Jerome with some Chemistry homework and I forgot my sheet in there, so this morning I went to go get it and walked in on him getting dressed, but I immediately left the room after I saw that he was getting dress." She didn't dare mention the emotions she felt after the ordeal.

Mick looked relieved. "Good, I was a little worried…"

Mara smiled. "There's no need to worry, Mick…And if you see anyone from the house, can you tell them the truth?" Mick nodded. "Thank you Mick…" Mara sighed and continued on her way to school. But once Mara arrived, she was stopped once again, but this time, it was Mr. Sweet.

"Mara, I must talk to you right away." He said. Mara groaned. She could tell from that point, it was going to be a long day.

**(A/N): OK, so it had a great start to it, but then the chapter just sorta died towards the end. Either way, I updated, didn't I? I'll try to be updating Numerology sometime next week, so keep a look out. Oh, and the poll will be up in a little while. Again, if you want to know why I'm deleting thinking of deleting those stories, just PM me. **


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